Monday, June 13, 2011

Commitment in a Relationship

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
I have been seeing this wonderful lady for some time now. Yesterday she asked me what commitment means to me. I thought of what it means to me then I started to think what it means to others. I have already experienced a different kind of strong commitment. It was the bond I had with my brother firefighters, our commitment to each other and to protecting the public. Our bond was made strong by our willingness to lay down our lives for each other or for a stranger. We believed in and lived our saying “we go in together, we come out together or we do not come out at all. But a commitment on a personal relationship with your true love is something different. So here it goes.
A person's commitment is only as good as their follow through. In order to follow through on the steps necessary to change, commitment must be real and immediate. It makes sense that people who commit themselves to a relationship are more likely to find rewards than those who invest sporadically or half-heartedly.
Commitment is a relationship is the act of giving yourself, in whole, to the other person and the relationship. Staying faithful to the other person, being there whenever the other person needs you and putting up with the other person, no matter what happens.
The bases in a relationship aren't so much places to cover as they are lines you don't cross. Some of those lines are security, respect, and affection. Other than that most things are trivial, but everyone needs a specific measure of those three aspects.
To me commitment starts with honesty, loyalty, and honor.To have a good relationship you need to have mutual trust, respect, and understanding. Always be willing to listen to the other person and try to see their side of things. Humor also helps to make a good relationship.It also requires devotion from your mind, your body, your soul. Without any one of these, the link is broken and true commitment cannot be achieved. Saying I love you does not mean commitment. To me actions speak much louder than words. How many say they love someone then go out and cheat on them? Or how about the abuser, both physically and mentally, they say I love you to, and beg it after they apply their abuse. Sorry, that is not commitment. A real commitment cannot be measured like a piece of wood with a tape measure before you cut it. It is invisible, but it is in your heart. You know if you have it and know if you give it. It takes actions to support the passion behind commitment. It takes little and big actions to show commitment. I do not mean gifts or money or even sex. Sex is a great bonus to a strong commitment. I mean holding her hand in public so when people see you doing that, it lets the world know how much she means to you. Just giving her a little touch as you walk by acknowledging she is important and on your mind. A hug or kiss for no reason. Cheering her up when she feels blue. Even just a simple conversation lets her know you value her. Ask her advice on something, it shows you value her opinion. All these show a level of commitment and cost nothing. When you receive these same things back, you know you that a commitment has been made to you.
True commitment is a virtue, a personal character trait learned early in life. Children learn to finish a game even if they aren't having fun, because the team is depending on them. In the workplace, employees perform best when challenged with a goal that inspires team work.
Unfortunately, a lack of commitment can lean to a failed job, broken heart, shattered dreams, and disappointed friends. One person's commitment may not match another's.
What is the definition of commitment? How do you tell if a man is committed to you when you are not living together? Even though you are in an exclusive relationship with a man, in my opinion, you cannot depend upon a commitment, unless you have the following in your relationship:
  • · He is actively involved in your life and seeking out your company.
  • · You have met his family and friends and he is willing to spend time with yours.
  • · You are not excluded from any area of his life.
  • · You don't have to be alone on special occasions - Christmas, Birthdays, Valentine's Day. Generally, you should be able to expect some sort of gift or show of affection at these times.
  • · He is usually prepared to offer some support to you if you have a problem; even if he finds this difficult, he will do his best.
  • · He is generally happy to call or text you regularly, or happy to hear from you if you call him (in moderation of course!).
If you have the above in your relationship, then you can be pretty sure that it meets the definition of commitment. If, however, in the early stages of a relationship, you are having doubts about whether a man is committed to you, then he probably is not. This is not necessarily a problem, if you can accept that you just have not reached that stage yet.
There are plenty of steps that you can take to elevate the chemistry in your relationship and make it hard for him to resist you. Follow the dating advice given on this site and in the recommended resources and, with the right attitude, you will become the type of woman that men love to have in their lives.
When a man feels emotionally committed you won't need to ask for a commitment because he won't be able to do enough for you. If you learn what works with men, you will improve your relationships beyond recognition and get the commitment that you desire. I promise you it will be worth the effort.
Commitment also changes over the years. When we start out as teenagers our beliefs in commitment are:
In a relationship, the bases are typical as follows; first base is kissing. Second base is touching and holding hands. Third base is oral sex or anything of the kind. Last, the home run is considered full intercourse.
Of course we all grow up, mature and realize that our adolescence ideas are childish. We develop our true commitment beliefs and hope we then will meet our better half.
The idea of commitment is straightforward. It means that we pledge, promise, or obligate ourselves to something or someone
Commitment in a relationship does not have to be left to chance. It can be a choice.Most people seem to want a lifelong best friend in a mate. While for many couples this may come easily, the message for most couples is that it takes some work to nurture such a union. Constraint can lend stability, but it is dedication that can fuel a bonded, lifelong friendship. The good news is that the factors that underlie dedication are things about which people have choices. People can choose how they will handle the allure of alternatives. People can choose the priority they will place on their relationships. People can choose to nurture a positive, long-term vision for their relationship. And people can choose to think of commitment either as loss or gain.

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